2020- it may not look like what we’ve hoped for but His plans are not on pause, His plans are not canceled. The Bible says His plans are to give each and every one of us hope and a future. As I’m sure all of you are feeling the effects of this global pandemic, take courage, and remain steadfast, the Lord is still at work.
Due to government restrictions, our ministry hasn’t looked as it once did, Our base once a hub full of teams is now silent and empty. Our packed summer schedule was completely cleared. Just like the world, Adventures Guatemala and I have had to refocus and readjust as ministry continues. Be on the lookout for a second blog detailing new things that are coming with our base.
I wanted to take some time to share how my life has been flipped upside down these past few months but how in the midst of heartbreak there are so many silver linings.
The last week in June I found out that my mom was in the hospital.
Her cancer had spread.
For those who were not aware my mom was diagnosed with a rare form of bladder cancer in 2016. Since that time it had been an emotional roller coaster of surgeries, treatments, remission, and recurrence that would start the cycle all over again and again. My mom was a picture of resilience, never letting the diagnosis rule her life.
In April, after taking the advice of her oncologist she decided to have part of her bladder removed. What we thought would end her cancer led to it metastasizing. Please note: I am not placing blame on her oncologist, with any surgery comes risk and this was one of them.
When I got the call I made the decision to return to States to be with her as she navigated what her next steps looked like. We thought we might have more time but unfortunately, we didn’t. In the two weeks I had with my mom, I witnessed how ravenous this disease can truly be and how much pain it can put one through. Nevertheless, even though this difficult time, I wanted to take in every moment with her, memorizing everything about her.
I will spare you the details of her passing but joined with my sister and virtually my brother, we were with her when she passed. We took turns telling her how much we loved her and how we’ll take care of one another in her absence.
It’s been 4 months and I still can’t believe she’s no longer with me. I so frequently grab my phone ready to call her and come undone when I realize that her voice will not greet me on the other end. I lost her 3 days shy of my 31st birthday and I know there are so many more milestones that I will have to walk without her.
Three weeks ago, I returned home to Guatemala and am assimilating back to life on the field. In reflecting on my time Stateside, I cannot deny the goodness of the Lord. He was with me every single step of the way and provided me with so many silverlings in the midst of heartache.
Silver linings in this season:
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All the support from friends and family: I am so thankful for those who have reached out, prayed, cried, listened, and supported me and my family during this time.
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Learning what it means to grieve, allowing myself to be taken by it rather than suppressing it. I cry now and it’s okay!
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The Lord giving me strength in times I’ve needed to be strong
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All of the knowledge I’ve gained. From being an advocate, nurse, property owner, executor, and doer of adult things. I feel as if I have gained another college degree in the past 4 months. I am also thankful that I have been able to educate others in the process.
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Living with my sister for a few months (even if we wanted to kill each other at times).
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For my mom’s people becoming my people too!
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Getting to see the Avetts at a Drive-in concert. Kaylen, you are the best for setting up such a wonderful night!
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Spending Sundays watching Panther football with my grandparents. Even though they lost the majority of their games, I cherish the quality time spent with those two.
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My lovely realtor who helped coached us through selling our mom’s house. And listing and closing all in the same month!
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Weekly visits with my adopted niece and nephew Charlee and Oliver. I cherish the time spent making beautiful memories.
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Small getaways, and seeing some of my favorite people in NC VA & GA! Oh, how I love my community that is spread all over.
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For my Dad creating a space for me in Flordia to call my stateside home base.
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I am thankful for the influence of my mother that runs deep within me. That the love she has for me will always be close to my heart.
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For Guatemala and how it’s truly my chosen home and where I feel so, so,-called to be.
As I wrap up this blog, I want to let you know that there is so much hope in this season of heartache and disappointment. Even though this season has been one the hardest I’ve walked through, I’m so thankful for it. I pray as we are in this holiday season, that you would reflect on 2020 and be able to find your own silver linings in this year as well.
